Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
