elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
