After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Randomize
