so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
