I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Me too!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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