..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
