i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
