Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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