Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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