How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
