In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
