He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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