I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
