At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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