I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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