you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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