He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
