thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
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As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
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You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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