he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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