think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
