does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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