She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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