you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
