It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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