so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
