The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
