I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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