I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
