I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
