my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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