thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
