you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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