Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
