Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
