Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
