I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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