it's like iHOP with fire
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
