HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
