He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
