Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
