Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
