Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER