i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already