guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.