Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level