If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem