the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?