My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia