wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.