So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
