why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
