Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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