Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
