We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
