Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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