If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
