Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
