I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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