You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found puke in my bra..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
