So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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