remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
