Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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