I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
