I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.