piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
