Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need to calm my uterus...