"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.