She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on