I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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