Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
