i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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