My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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