I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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