My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
