she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
