He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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