I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
