Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
