i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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