i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
