Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
