why didn't you poke me back
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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