I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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