That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
